How To Deal With Difficult People

Pic From ABC News

Pic From ABC News

Yesterday, I slightly shake off, not sleeping well and waking up from bad dreams about a restaurant I use to work for, because it’s a new day and I want to look up nice nail salons open on Sundays, so myself and two young ladies who are precious to me can get our nails done. I go grab my computer and a cup of green tea and get comfy in bed.
Wouldn’t you know, the freaking computer freezes up?! I hear myself mutter a couple of choice words, toss it on the bed and get up and go get the iPad because I don’t have the patience to restart and probably restart again, a slow aging computer.
Okeydokey. iPad turned on. Set up in its easel smart case thing. I type nail salons in Google, and no words are filling in. What the Hell. I see there is no light on the Bluetooth keyboard shining, so I press the button about three times as hard as possible to connect the keyboard and it blinks eternally.
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
WAIT! WAIT! TIME OUT! Okay, Okay, I know technology is frustrating at times. But really, it’s not that big of deal. RIGHT?

I am really grateful that I now CAN ACTUALLY STOP AND save this day and not let it spiral out of control in destructive ways because meaningless things go wrong. I now mostly remember to go, okay, why I am feeling this way? As soon as I asked this, I got my answer. This awful Snookie (sorry Snookie, I’m sure you’re lovely) looking human being that I waited on yesterday accompanied by two other ladies and three young children, had me upset. She was horribly demanding before I even said hello, my name is… Let’s call her Rochelle, ordered a Bloody Mary with four modifications from the Make Your Own Bloody Mary Bar Menu. I explained extra nicely that I bring her the glass of vodka and pointed out where the Bloody Mary Bar was. You would think that with how precise she wanted her drink made, she would have been happy to make her own. OH NO, with an appalled I do not get my own stuff look. I will be waited on hand and foot. She said loudly, “I’m not making my own Bloody Mary.” Her friend who had a not again look, embarrassingly said, “I’ll make it for you.” And that is only the beginning of the mean talking down to me. Even after I gave her every request she rudely asked for she still could not be nice and they were not easy. She had five; and not exaggerating, five modifications for a salad she ordered. She actually got up and went to the Bloody Mary bar. I gave her a side plate because she did not want the garnish in her drink. She put all twenty hand stuffed bleu cheese olives on her plate (twelve were not consumed). Plus, celery and pickled okra. She let her children run amok and make a mess. She needed three other condiments for her salad when it came. (Which BTW is fine, just be nice about it). And etc. And to top it off, she wrote the service was horrible.

I realize since last night every time I would think of what happened; thoughts crossed my mind over and over. Why didn’t I tell her off? Did I do something wrong? How can someone be so mean to someone being so nice to them? Could have I found a way to befriend her and “fix her.”

From listening to lectures, podcasts and lots of reading by teachers, from Maryanne Williamson, Wayne Dyer, Brooke Castillo (The Life Coach School), Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday, Gabby Bernstein, Brené Brown, etc.… and now also the school I am attending Institute of Integrative Nutrition (IIN). I now know that circumstances will lead to feelings, but we can change our feelings by changing our thoughts.
Brooke Castillo teaches, “Circumstances can trigger Thoughts. Thoughts cause feelings. Feelings cause actions. Actions cause results”. These results can be wholesome or regretful, depending on how we think. If we consciously remember to change our thoughts, we can keep calm and not take other people’s crap personally.

1. Remind yourself that “that was then, and this is now”. You can’t turn back the clocks and change what happened.

2. Permit yourself to experience and name the feelings you are grappling with (regret, guilt, disappointment, humiliation, grief, shame, woe, etc.) – then make the decision to release those feelings. Like letting go of a helium balloon. In the end, it’s unhealthy not only for your mind, but your body to become attached to them.

3. Truthfully, this next piece of advice, I probably did not take at the time, but it has always resonated with me.
When I was a teenager, I was extremely pissed that my best friend lied and told another friend I was talking trash about her. I exclaimed, “I will never speak to her again”. My mother said something like, “Before you do that, just remember, people act the way they do because of the issues they are going through. They may be actually needing a friend right now and do not know how to ask for it.”

This Rochelle… who knows maybe she’s a scroned single mother, stressed out and struggling. It could be anything. I am now glad, I stayed on my best behavior and did not curse her out and cause more problems. In the past, I probably would have said something rude trying to prove a point. Then after work, drink a couple cocktails because I “need it”, instead of want it.
Unfortunately, with how busy the restaurant was, I could not befriend her. But fixing her is not my or anyone else’s responsibility.

4. Let’s say you did react. Remind yourself that “it was what you did, it’s not who you are.” Don’t allow any single event or experience to define you. You are more than – so don’t let that become your identity, or your destiny.

Give yourself the gift of a new day and a new start. Forgive yourself, let go of the past, and with confidence move on with your life.

How would you have dealt with this situation or other difficult situations? Let me know in the comments.

Peace my friends.

Pistachio Cherry Smoothie

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Occasionally it gets boring thinking of recipes for green juice smoothies, so as suggested of Institute of Integrative Nutrition, my health coaching school, I ordered Superfood Smoothies by Julie Morris. Besides getting to look at a whole book of different exciting recipes, Morris, a natural food chef, takes this blended drink business, one step further and shows us how loading her “thirst clenching recipes with the healthy goodness of super foods” — A smoothie will be even more remarkably beneficial to our health. For her 100 recipes she selected 15 main incredible nutrient dense super foods full of vitamins, minerals, antioxidants, and phytochemicals. Some are the following ingredients … Goji berries, Cacoa, Chia Seeds, chlorophyll-rich Superfoods, Maca, Noni, Aloe, etc.

Wanting to go a little different than my green juice with kale or spinach, today I tried the Pistachio Cherry. Definitely a nice sweet change of pace.
Morris writes in the book, “Pistachios provide a tremendous amount of sweet, creamy flavor to this blended drink – a real treat. Plus, thanks to the antioxidants in the cherries, goji berries, and even pistachios, this blend is particularly helpful for protecting eyesight.”

This recipe makes 2 16 ounce servings. I cut it in half, just in case I didn’t like it. I knew I can always make more. And I assure you I will try this again. Yum Yum!

1 1/2 cups frozen cherries, pitted
1/4 cup unsalted pistachios, shelled
1/4 cup dried goji berries
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 1/2 cups ice
sweetener, to taste (optional), I did not see the need to add sweetener.

Blend together all the ingredients, except the ice, until creamy and smooth. Add the ice and blend until frosty. Taste, and sweetened as desired.

The SUPERFOOD BOOST for this recipe is add 1 tablespoon cacoa powder.

Let me know what you think in the comments or if you have any questions, feel free to ask.

:)



15 Minute Booty Moving Ways

This is inspired from an article I read on the South Beach Diet Website.

Hey there, do not even try to think about making the typical excuse for not moving your booty (I don’t have time!). Instead, slip on your training shoes, get a bottle of water, and give yourself 15 minutes (depending on the exercise, this may include a warm up and cool down). You may be astonished to discover the benefits of just one quarter of an hour stint has. I find most days; I can fit in two of these 15-minute quickies. Always a good reminder, if you haven’t exercised in quite a while, check in with your doctor before starting this, or any, new exercise regimen.

Master the Stairs Walk inside or out at a gentle stride for about 5 minutes, just to warm up. Then, walk or jog briskly up and down a flight of stairs or hill for about 5 minutes. As you get stronger, you can walk even more briskly and lengthen the time to 10 minutes. Wrap up your mini training session with another 5-minute gentle walk to cool down.

Walk the Walk Decide on a walking course—it could be around a few blocks in your neighborhood, or through a trail or park. Timing yourself, walk at an easy pace for several minutes. Then, pick up the pace and walk as fast as you can for several minutes. You should have difficulty speaking at your fastest pace. Now, slow it down for a few minutes to catch your breath. Pick up the pace again, followed by another cool-down. Repeat for 15 minutes.
Side Note: If you are waiting around for something or someone, don’t take it sitting down: move some. Of course if you’re waiting for professional purposes or the like and you do not want to get sweaty, stroll at a leisurely pace. It will still be good for your body and keep you polished.

Work in a Kitchen Workout Since you’re preferably preparing more meals at home now that we’re becoming more aware of not knowing what all goes into food outside the home, doing a 15-minute kitchen workout should be easy. For instance, while you’re waiting for the (whole wheat) pasta water to boil or the brown rice to cook, hold on to a kitchen chair and do 10 leg raises to the front, each side and then 10 to the rear. Repeat as many times as you can. Then, place your hands on the edge of a counter, and get in some half pushups. Do as many as you can. Now repeat this sequence of leg raises and pushups until 15 minutes have elapsed. I love to throw in some ballet plié’s (I also do this while I am getting ready for the day/night or ironing.)

Do Double-Duty Cleaning Multitask by combining a cleanup with a workout and you end up with an uncluttered house and a feeling of accomplishment for fitting in some exercise. Set your cell phone timer for 15 minutes, and then sprint from room to room, from downstairs to upstairs, doing as much cleaning as you can under pressure from the timer. It’s amazing how much you can get done in terms of de-cluttering and dusting when you move at top speed. And you’ll work in some cardio too. I also will do a sort of cha cha or salsa dance with the vacuum.

Don’t Forget Your Core You’ll need a mat or carpeted floor and comfortable clothes; music is optional. If you like, take off your shoes so you can flex and point your toes more easily. Choose a few core strengthening exercises; such as planks, crunches, bicycles, and twists. Do as many as you can in 15 minutes, breathing through each exercise. Always start with the minimum number of reps and add more and more advanced moves, as you get fitter.

Be creative with these. It’s your workout and your time. Make it yours. What would you do or fit into these 15-minute workouts? Go ahead and put it in the comments.

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What is Real Beauty to You

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Note: This is a repeat. Somehow I screwed it up. I think it is important, so I am reposting it. :)

If you ever have said to yourself or out loud, “I’m so fat. I’m so ugly.” Or any other insult to yourself. GO RIGHT NOW, right this minute! Look in a mirror and tell yourself out loud. “I am sorry for saying those mean things to you. They are unacceptable. I am beautiful because, I am human, I have a soul, and I am spirit.” Then watch these videos attached that I love. One from the Dove Beauty Campaign puts selfies in a positive light. The other, Jean Killbourne talks about airbrushing craziness. One of my favorite quotes from this is by CINDY CRAWFORD, who says, “I WISH I LOOKED LIKE CINDY CRAWFORD.”

I don’t have statistics, but I know more than half our problem with our flawed body image is because of societies thought of “beauty”. I have witnessed plenty of friends and family growing up, and I know this has affected my own body image. I remember being a teen and sitting around with my three close friends looking at models in Vogue and actresses in teen and gossip mags, admiring them and all of us attesting, “I am going to look like that”. Then to confirm we need to look like a that supermodel we would overhear the boys or males in general (not their fault), whooping and yee-haa-ing over what they considered sexy, while they tacked posters of Paulina Porizkova or a chick laying suggestively on a 1965 Mustang Convertible, over their beds.

I specifically remember reading in a fitness magazine, which suggested as a daily motivational reminder not to eat junk and workout to hang a picture of a body I want to look like, from a magazine on the refrigerator. Great advice, except that it should have come with a warning, “MOST LIKELY, THIS IS NOT HOW THIS BODY LOOKS IN REAL LIFE”. I was not aware that all those sexy, skinny bodies with the hallowed out cheek bones were perfected with makeup, lighting, and airbrushing. And if you are a male reading this, photos of muscle ripped or toned men do not have much validity; they are just as brutally airbrushed and photo shopped. So, even though the picture suggestion was motivational, and I probably looked good, I did not think so because I was not six feet tall and I was striving to be shaped like something unattainable for my body type.

I feel we need to arm every male and female with this information. Two things I know would come to fruition. One, imagine how much more stuff we would get done and figure out if we were not obsessing over if we are fitting into a “mold”. Second, if we are in touch and balanced with what real beauty is and what is really healthy, that takes most of the pressure off and we would start down the road to being naturally slimmer, even if we have a lot of weight to lose. I am not saying thinking like this is magic weight loss secret. There is still a lot of practicing this thinking and learning how to eat and move to what is comfortable for your body, but knowing this instantly makes you feel lighter in your mind and body.

You are all beautiful. No matter what you look like or where you stand in life. Beauty to me is living in your authentic truth, being strong, brave, altruistic, and going after your dream.

What is beauty to you? Tell me in the comments.

Selfie Dove Beauty Campaign

Killing Us Softly 4 – Trailer [Featuring Jean Kilbourne]